Are You Man Enough to Own This 1973 Ford Highboy?

By Adam Pockross - January 27, 2015

Many a truck owner identifies closely with what they drive, but not many have put it so bluntly as Jason, the self-righteous man’s man who posted this ad selling a 1973 Ford highboy. Jason’s truck is so representative of his absolute moral fiber, that he won’t even sell you the truck if you lack morals yourself.

Sorry folks, but if you like pumpkin lattes, Justin Bieber, or white Oakleys, then no truck for you. And don’t even think about not liking guns.

While Jason’s musings about what disqualifies an individual from purchasing his dear Ford are hilarious, his description of what makes someone a qualified buyer is some of the best humor I’ve seen in months. It also pretty much matches the description of everyone I like to party with.

If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid stuff: THIS IS YOUR TRUCK.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage? -could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?

The ad veers away from the comedy just a bit and actually goes on to tell you every little thing that’s wrong with the truck. It’s about as honest an ad as you’ll ever see.

But let’s not belittle it by just calling this brilliant piece of writing an ad. This isn’t just selling a truck, it’s selling a lifestyle, a political agenda even. Let’s call it the Anti-Pansy Movement. I for one think Jason’s on to something, and though he might not sell me his truck, he’s still got my vote.